Though today divorce is growing less and less common, it can be complicated and stressful. Knowing what to do and who to talk to can help you make the right decisions when ending your marriage. Broadcast Retirement Network’s Jeffrey Snyder discusses how to brush up on financial skills you may need after your divorce is complete with Jacobson Mediation Group’s Alex Jacobson.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
This morning on BRN, I’m getting a divorce and I don’t know how to budget or write a check. What do I do? Joining me now to discuss this, Alex Jacobson, is the Chief Executive Officer and President of the Jacobson Mediation Group.
Alex, always great to see you. Thanks for joining us on the program this morning.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Thank you for having me.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Alex, I want to ask you, I think you probably run into this, and I want to get your thoughts on this. Someone goes through a divorce, they’re divorcing a spouse, and they’re probably hit with the realization, I’m going to be in charge of my own finances for the first time in maybe a handful of years, a dozen years. Have you dealt with this issue and what are some of the big hurdles in terms of getting back up to speed in terms of your budget and your finances?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Yeah. Well, first, I think it’s important to take a step back and accept the fact that that’s okay. It’s okay that you don’t know where your bank accounts are, that you don’t know how to budget, that you haven’t written a check.
There’s a division of labor in a marriage that is workable. Somebody may be in charge of the finances, somebody may be in charge of carpools. When you are getting divorced, those lines blur, and it’s important that you are able to operate in both arenas.
So number one, it’s okay. Number two, it sort of goes back to what we talked about the last time we met, which is it’s important that you have your team together. So having your divorce lawyer who you trust, who can do the due diligence for you to give you that security, make sure you know where the accounts are, make sure you’ve gotten transparency in terms of all assets and liabilities that exist.
If you’re keeping the house, that attorney will help you understand how to budget your support that you’re receiving, for example, or support that you’re paying, and make sure that you are able to run your household in a workable way.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, I like that you bring up the team, and that’s, again, kind of follow-up to our last conversation. Alex, I haven’t ridden a bike in a long time, other than a stationary bike, okay? But I have to imagine that managing finances is like getting back on a bike again.
You don’t really forget it. I know that I could get on a bike if I wanted to, I could stay balanced, I wouldn’t need those training wheels anymore, right? So I have to think that finances, if you’ve done it in the past, you can pick it back up.
Just about re-familiarization with those skills. You have them, you have them.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I too spend a lot of time on a bike that goes nowhere. But I think that if I got on a bike, I would be just fine. And it’s important to also know that there are so many tools out there, whether there are apps, your banking institution will have apps that will help you budget, help you keep track of your expenses.
And you should do the exploration to make sure you’re using all of the tools that are there for you to use to help you run your household.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah. Alex, there may be people out there who were a homemaker, I don’t know what the right, or caregiver, and didn’t have a full-time job. Stepping back into the workforce, whether you’re a man or woman, and updating your skills, there are probably a lot of resources out there.
I’m thinking about coaches, or even resources out there to help you take that first step back into your career. Because you may have given it up to raise children. You may have given it up because your partner was working, right?
I mean, it can be for a lot of reasons.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It happens frequently in a divorce situation, and it goes back to that partnership. When you’re in a marriage, that partnership works, and maybe somebody did take a step back from their career. Having to dive back in when you’re middle-aged and you sort of miss those formative years of building your career can be daunting, but you’re right.
There are tools, LinkedIn, career coaches, all of those tools are available to you to help you get back into the workforce and do what you need to do to make your separate households now operate smoothly.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Is it about the right mindset? And I’m reminded, there’s a quote from, I’m a big George S. Patton Jr. fan. I’ve never been in the military, but I like a lot of his maxims. One of which was, success is measured by how high you bounce after you’ve hit rock bottom. Now, divorce is certainly not rock bottom, but you can certainly feel that way in some ways.
You can feel like you’re started from the beginning. So it’s about having the resources and the people around you, but is it about having the right mindset? Because we all go through ups and downs in our lives.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely. And again, among your team should be a mental health professional. But maintaining that perspective, because a divorce can often, in many instances, feel like a death.
It can be rock bottom. But maintaining the perspective that you need to give yourself time to get your skills back up to par and decide what it is that you want to do that makes it workable for you to run your household, be the parent you want to be and be successful personally.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Or maybe you want to switch careers, Alex. Maybe you were in financial services and now you want to follow Alex Jacobson and be in an attorney. And there are probably community colleges and other higher ed institutions that are designed for these types of experiences.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely. I mean, many universities, colleges have advanced certificate classes that you can take advantage of to become a mediator, for example. There are often these professional services certificates that you can get to help you get back into the workforce.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, so important. To me, listening to you talk, it really is about the mindset. And I don’t think getting divorced is hitting rock bottom.
I think maybe people can view it that way. I think it’s almost like a rebirth. I think of it like a phoenix.
It’s the next phase of your life, Alex. And I have to think that when you counsel your clients, you’re going to have to remind them. I don’t want to put words in your mouth.
I’m paraphrasing here, but they probably have to remind them, okay, you did this for this period of time, but your life is yours. What’s next?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely. I mean, I think to the individual, it can feel like rock bottom and making sure that you help them maintain their perspective, that it can be an opportunity for a new chapter, new growth, new expansion, and other areas that you may not have been inclined to explore during your marriage or before your marriage.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And Alex, look, we have greater longevity. Life is not over at age 50. And I can tell you at age 52, it’s not over.
There are new experiences to be had out there and different aspects of life to enjoy. And maybe being a younger person, I’m not saying all divorce is for mature people. There are younger people that get divorced.
But it gives you a new, hey, what did I learn? And what do I take into this next chapter of my life?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I agree. I mean, you can always go back and be a background dancer for Beyonce. I still have those dreams.
Jeffrey H. Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
I think you’d be a great background dancer. Maybe I’d like to be a tap dancer. But look, I think you offer some sage advice.
It’s about moving forward, how best to move forward. And you’ve got this team around you. You’ve got to tap into it.
Alex, we’re going to have to leave it there. Always great to see the great Alex Jacobson. Have a great rest of the week.
And we’ll talk to you again very soon. You as well. And don’t forget to subscribe to our daily newsletter, The Morning Pulse, for all the news in one place.
Details, of course, are at our website. And we’re back again tomorrow for another edition of BRN. Until then, I’m Jeff Snyder.
Stay safe, keep on saving. And don’t forget, roll with the changes.
