DEAR HARRIETTE: I started going to therapy because I feel like my life has become a vicious cycle of negativity.
My new therapist challenged me to create some distance between the life that I want and the life that I’ve had. That means hanging out with old friends less, making more of an effort to meet new ones, letting go of some old hobbies to explore new ones, detaching from my hometown and maybe even getting a new job.
I know that I can be resistant to change at times, but isn’t this a bit drastic? Will I really find more joy in the world by ditching everything I am familiar with?
I know you’re not a licensed therapist, but do you think all of these extreme changes can really help me to have a more positive outlook on life?
— Drastic Changes
DEAR DRASTIC CHANGES: It sounds like your therapist gave you a list of things that you can work on that will help change your demeanor and your opportunity to show up differently in your life. I doubt that they told you to do it all at once.
Don’t get overwhelmed. Choose something on the list and do that one thing. You can work on yourself one task at a time to see how you can expand your horizons and build more hope.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, two of my friends produced a major event on behalf of their company. It was an opportunity to build audience engagement, introduce new products and network with other industry professionals.
The event turned out beautifully, and they had a great turnout.
Over the past month or so, I have expressly shared with these friends my desire to network more in order to seek out better work opportunities. Despite them knowing this, they did not extend an invitation to me.
I didn’t think much of it because I assumed it may have been a closed guest list.
The day before the event, a colleague of theirs casually extended an invitation to me. I went, and did my best not to assume the worst, but when I arrived, I saw all of our other close mutual friends and couldn’t help but feel offended.
Why didn’t they invite me? Is it worth having a conversation with my friends about this?
— Left Out
DEAR LEFT OUT: You should definitely speak to your friends about your exclusion.
Start by congratulating them on the success of their event. Let them know who invited you so they don’t think you crashed. Then ask them why they didn’t invite you themselves.
Point out that you have let them know you are eager to broaden your network. Ask if there is something you have done that made them feel this wouldn’t be a good fit for you.
If it wasn’t an oversight and they intentionally did not include you while they did include most of your other friends, there must be a specific reason. Press them to tell you. Even if it hurts your feelings, it should provide insight into how they perceive you professionally.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
